James Flowers' Earthdawn Web Resource Bog Gob Anecdotes Some Reflections on a Generally Under-rated Creature

 

Introduction
	This is a collection of anecdotal comments that we've inflicted on readers of the Earthdawn Mailing List from time to time. Some have been buried in the Mailing List Archive for a few years (some say they should have stayed buried...), other entries are more recent. Have a read anyway, and maybe you might even start to understand the complicated psyche of this often maligned species.

 

Emissions from the Swamp
	Please remember, these are only some wild-eyed ramblings, so should always be taken with a small teaspoon of Bog Gob Extract, the new cure-all formula from Throalic Distillates -- "if it makes you grimace and your eyes water, it's gotta be good for you!"
	Bog Gobs -- Could be categorized as Viscous, not Vicious...
	The ultimate tongue-twister... try saying 'Bog Gob' six times quickly in succession... and feel your tongue turn to slime...
	He had been told that Bog Gobs couldn't detect one's presence if grinning. Smiling broadly he stalked his prey with murderous intent. Suddenly the Bog Gob turned around, spear raised. He smiled again, stretching his lips to the point of pain. The Bog Gob looked at him, twisted its muddy head in obvious puzzlement, then leaped toward him, spear out-thrust. "I thought it was a bloody stupid idea," he reflected, as he raised his shield in defence.
	"Rumors of the infamous Bog Gob graveyard abound in Travar. Apparently old or otherwise enfeebled Bog Gobs will make a journey of many leagues to die in an as yet uncharted part of Barsaive. Treasures amassed by the Bog Gobs are carried with them. These fortunes await those brave enough to wrest them from their muddy owners. And for those who succeed? The curse of the Bog Gob Shamans, mysterious slimy Bog Gob Questors who lay down curses of incontinence and diarrhea on their victims. Those who seek the Bog Gob graveyard should take powerful magic charms of protection and well-honed weaponry. And a good supply of toilet paper..." -- Aganon of Kaer Nembar, Caretaker of the Cattle-Yards
	"My recipe for Bog Gob soup?! Ingredients: 1 Bog Gob, a 3rd Circle Warrior Adept, Salt, Pepper, Boiled Swamp Water and a strong constitution. Preparation: Take a large bowl. Wrestle the Bog Gob into the bowl and, using the Warrior Adept's combat abilities, pound the Bog Gob into a pulp. Pour in the Boiled Swamp Water. The Bog Gob may be still moving at this stage, so whisk briskly with a sharp implement (preferably with wicked spikes and blades). Boil rapidly for 3-5 minutes, or until warm. Add Salt and Pepper to taste. Serve at room temperature with a cress salad. Oh, and don't forget to post a Warrior Adept as guard while eating - you are almost certain to receive a visit from the rest of the tribe, intent on rescuing their own..." -- Gezpacho Denier (deceased), Chef Master Class of Haven.
	"Fried, boiled, beaten, shaken, just plain upset, whatever. My favorite Bog Gob is one with 3 foot of sharp steel poked through it!" -- Fabian Nass, Dwarf Warrior of Urupa
	"A Theran human, a Throalic dwarf and a Bog Gob are drinking in a pub. The Theran turns to the others and says 'I bet you that Windling over there will have his wings drop off in 10 seconds.' The others accept the bet and wait patiently while the Theran counts to 10. But to his disappointment, the unaware Windling's wings remain firmly attached. 'Alright,' says the dwarf, rubbing his beard with one hand. 'I bet you that Elf over there will have his ears fall off in 10 seconds.' The Theran and the Bog Gob nod sagely and accept the bet. Counting to 10, the dwarf is obviously disappointed when no appendages drop to the grimy floor. "OK,' says the Bog Gob, 'I bet that within 10 seconds, everybody in the room except for me will fall to the floor dead.' The Theran turns to the dwarf and they both frown at each and say 'you're on.' At which point the entire pub is over-run with Bog Gobs (who had been quietly surrounding the premises while the bets were being made) and everyone is killed. Hey, I didn't say it was funny!" -- Rolac the Muddy, Human Troubadour of Kratas
	"I have noted with particular interest the strange behaviour exhibited by the Gibbering Marsh Bog Gob of the Servos Jungle. One of its more peculiar traits is its inexplicable penchant toward self-destruction, simply exploding into small gobbets when approached suddenly from hiding. Interestingly enough, the remains, when collected on sharp sticks and roasted over hot embers, taste remarkably similar to marshmallow, and with the same consistency! A truly weird thing!" -- From the annals of Garn Edris, Naturalist of Throal
	"OK, pop question. It's 2am in the morning in the pouring rain. Strange shapes are moving in the shadows around you, when suddenly one of them lurches toward you holding the severed head of your sentry in its slimy hand. What do you do, huh? What do you do?" -- Reservoir Jimmy, Human Thief of Kratas
	A Dwarf warrior is standing in a bar in Haven telling a story. "There is a Bog Gob in Throal having a round of ales with an Elf, a Troll, an Ork and an Obsidiman. They all get drunk except for the Obsidiman, who just gets a little tipsy. What's wrong with the story?" An interested Elf swordsmistress replies, "Bog Gobs don't drink ale?" The Dwarf returns, "Good answer, but not correct. Bog Gobs can handle it with the best of 'em. No, the correct answer is what would a Bog Gob be doing in Throal drinking?"
	Rumours tell of the Black Bog Gob of the Stump. An ancient creature of rumour and legend, this Bog Gob has somehow been fused into the base of an old tree deep in the swamps of the Thornspike Jungle surrounding Parlainth. Adventurers suddenly encountering the creature (attracted by it's piteous whines) have usually been overcome with remorse (not to mention fits of laughter) at the plight of the Black Bog Gob, leaving it to its fate rather than putting it out of its misery. Many are the tales told of Black Stumpy...
	Sorry. A Bog Gob ate this anecdote...

 
 

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